In further things possibly seeming like insanity or misguided beliefs, there used to be dreams about places where I'd later end up. It was possible to distinguish them from déjà vus at the times and you remembered the dreams, even having some written down in past journals most likely, but never having the chance to dig them up and check. Often because you were abroad and the notebooks weren't, and the chore of wading through years of them to find a random moment. It was also something as useless as "This is the latest British toilet or bathroom you recognize from a dream", in more of that "How the world mocks you" business.
Yes, I've dreamt places I'd end up at. Sounds glamorous. Translate that to recognizing about three toilets or bathrooms, and only once you end up there and see them, and see how glamorous or useful it again is. It tells you you've gotten that far along once you reach the stage, and that's it.
There was a garage converted into an indoor recreational room housing a collection of uniforms and military memorabilia that was also recognized one Christmas, but then you squandered the "Wait, was I supposed to meet someone there?" feeling by not going to the same place for a second day in a row because it tied to some work you were doing at the time and you were asked if you'd like the few hours off instead. So naturally you said yes to a chance to watch Muppet Treasure Island and to get a bit of extra sleep instead. Naturally. I mean, you'd been there and done that, place seen and photographed, all that sorted, right? Until someone younger showed up and reminded you that you missed the younger crowd on that second day, possibly including whoever it was you met in the dream.
There is also something like a swimming hall around the corner or next to what at least used to be a cinema which you remembered from one dream and suspected would be somewhere around in the UK, if you just got to wherever it was. There's likewise somewhere with sandstone type or colour pavements or blocks as a road or pavement type thing from the Roman times, whether still extant as the town (?) or not.
Distinguish the dreams like above from regular ones? Well, you don't really, but some places felt more likely to exist for whatever reason.
Latest dreams over the weekend featured a serial killer called Ernesto Reya (or Vega, probably once awake, mind mixing it up already) looking somewhat like a young, thinner Javier Bardem or more so that whatever-his-name-again actor of the father from Supernatural. Others featured as well, but it's a long story likewise, even in what little you remember of it.
Long before that Sikozu from Farscape was breaking up with John Crichton because of whatever his plans were (= likely to end in death), saying she was going to live forever. This in a room in the dream borrowed from real life you, your as if from the outside seeing how untoward or something Scorpius could look to people from the three posters of him you had on the walls, along with some others ones. Even if they were supposedly Sikozu's in the dream or setting then, akin a stage used for a play. I've never actually had posters of Scorpius and Sikozu isn't with Crichton in the series.
Juxtapose to a later "scene" in a shuttle bay type room where Scorpius was telling her they should have a kid, as if to make it seem like that was the reason why for her moves, except she was dubious or saying no. Cue Scorpius cheerfully exclaiming "But we simply must!" the way he at times did things in that tone (or perhaps that was Harvey more so. You no longer remember). This because in his logic, she was going to live forever and he was going to his death, on Earth or following Crichton or whatever it was.
Later still, after countless of other things, there was the dark, curly-wavy haired woman in the bad relationship with little means (financial or otherwise) to progress but having such a talent for jewellery designing or something of the sort, given the gold and silver things she'd cut from the thin sheets of material in no time at all. Things more like whatever patterns you'd cut from paper, but in gold and silver sheets with added jewellery type tones or gleams and more.
The number of dreams had per night is staggering, that is. If you try to make sure to remember even some of them by staying up instead of turning around for more sleep, to write them down, you end up disrupting your sleep all the more.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Clogged head and what used to be
My head has felt clogged up for some days now. Mostly on the right frontal and temporal lobe regions but then later on both sides. It hasn't been the anything like a flu and not precisely a headache either, and you haven't wanted to take paracetamol type things for it either so it's persisted and remains to this moment as well.
The influence may naturally be something entirely unrelated, but if certain influences going on astrologically combined with some of the things looked at online as of late are taken into account, it may also simply be that the body cannot cope with what the mind asks of it, which leads to blockages. Leads to the mind not being able to do what it wants to or needs to, because the physical side isn't clean enough.
Even without such influences or views, it's pretty obvious that I haven't eaten how I should in all too long. Last year having cut pretty much everything from the life and featuring the first depression in your life ever, you used certain things to cling to to try and save yourself from it by New Year, needing to buy what you couldn't precisely afford just to try and rescue yourself even a little bit. Then you used that to propel forward until that somehow in March lead to physical changes, or clinging to getting in better physical shape, and slowly by summer getting mostly over depressive states. It still remained as an undercurrent, life being nowhere near fixed or stable and secure by then either, so Midsummer brought another collapse through outer events.
The risk of a recurrence of how last autumn and winter went was a thought present, but there were things to use to distract yourself from where you could have descended without that or those. Something kept you better afloat this time, but the physical side got neglected after August again, once summer started turning over, so to speak.
I used to be able to "call up" golden shields to envelop the body any time in my teens. I used to have dreams where I either levitated or "flew", although there was a great care never to go higher than treetops, for whatever reason, always getting either pulled back or something similar. At some stage the need for the shields dropped and when the feel of a need for such an aid surfaced in more recent years, what could be managed or mustered was tattered or tarnished and blackened in shine, if able to project much at all from the centre, to envelop you mentally. Flying in dreams was also long gone, the best equivalent being the animal-like movement of bounds or leaps taking you several metres along (or slightly off) the ground, the way it goes with something like a feline doing their leaping run.
Whether related or not, a connection to the state of the physical body was made in any case, and since all that or thinking about any or most of that has been dormant until reminded again, there hasn't been any reason for the head to feel clogged up either. Have the mind ask of the body what it cannot deliver and the mind instantly clogs up. There hasn't even been any conscious focus on anything much beyond the mundane, knowing there isn't any level for it like this, but even that seems to have been enough to create a blockage and a clogged head.
But, as said, maybe it's something else entirely and it simply common sense that you suddenly crave fresh vegetables in the wintertime. Unfortunately finances still dictate that you can't have bloody expensive fresh vegetables to the degree you might need them to try and cleanse the system even a little bit, so the head remains clogged for now. You don't take paracetamols because the reminder that you're not what you should be is apparently needed.
Otherwise other dreams remain as easily accessible as ever though, when you give yourself time to sleep. The symptom or disease of the previous years has also been the burn inside not to go to bed while focusing on whatever, because "You can sleep when you're dead". If there was a chance to do 20 hours awake and 12-14 hours asleep, you suspect that your natural rhythm would appreciate that much better than what it has to try and follow through society's rules. As it is, you either don't get more than 6 hours of sleep at most or can't keep up with anything you want to focus on through lack of hours awake per day.
So the ideal would be to eat how you'd need to, sleep as much toward the 9 hours of sleep you tended to need or want (12 would be heavenly) and to start walking more again. No matter how freezing the weather or the coldest winter in decades decreed by papers. There was a time in the summer when through a festival going on outside you ended up walking toward 25 kilometres a day and thinking nothing of it. That seemed more the norm and showed how much modern day first world people are behind through not needing to move much per day either. It was a clear illustration of how much more the body alone could achieve if you simply asked it of it. Regrettably, as said, things slid again after that, so now the need would be to wake it up more so again.
Added note or temporary conclusion after three or so days of trying to have what raw carrot you could, with the boiled broccoli, cauliflower and more carrot along with tons of sleep... Slightly less clogged. It's still very much so there, but with less pressure.
The influence may naturally be something entirely unrelated, but if certain influences going on astrologically combined with some of the things looked at online as of late are taken into account, it may also simply be that the body cannot cope with what the mind asks of it, which leads to blockages. Leads to the mind not being able to do what it wants to or needs to, because the physical side isn't clean enough.
Even without such influences or views, it's pretty obvious that I haven't eaten how I should in all too long. Last year having cut pretty much everything from the life and featuring the first depression in your life ever, you used certain things to cling to to try and save yourself from it by New Year, needing to buy what you couldn't precisely afford just to try and rescue yourself even a little bit. Then you used that to propel forward until that somehow in March lead to physical changes, or clinging to getting in better physical shape, and slowly by summer getting mostly over depressive states. It still remained as an undercurrent, life being nowhere near fixed or stable and secure by then either, so Midsummer brought another collapse through outer events.
The risk of a recurrence of how last autumn and winter went was a thought present, but there were things to use to distract yourself from where you could have descended without that or those. Something kept you better afloat this time, but the physical side got neglected after August again, once summer started turning over, so to speak.
I used to be able to "call up" golden shields to envelop the body any time in my teens. I used to have dreams where I either levitated or "flew", although there was a great care never to go higher than treetops, for whatever reason, always getting either pulled back or something similar. At some stage the need for the shields dropped and when the feel of a need for such an aid surfaced in more recent years, what could be managed or mustered was tattered or tarnished and blackened in shine, if able to project much at all from the centre, to envelop you mentally. Flying in dreams was also long gone, the best equivalent being the animal-like movement of bounds or leaps taking you several metres along (or slightly off) the ground, the way it goes with something like a feline doing their leaping run.
Whether related or not, a connection to the state of the physical body was made in any case, and since all that or thinking about any or most of that has been dormant until reminded again, there hasn't been any reason for the head to feel clogged up either. Have the mind ask of the body what it cannot deliver and the mind instantly clogs up. There hasn't even been any conscious focus on anything much beyond the mundane, knowing there isn't any level for it like this, but even that seems to have been enough to create a blockage and a clogged head.
But, as said, maybe it's something else entirely and it simply common sense that you suddenly crave fresh vegetables in the wintertime. Unfortunately finances still dictate that you can't have bloody expensive fresh vegetables to the degree you might need them to try and cleanse the system even a little bit, so the head remains clogged for now. You don't take paracetamols because the reminder that you're not what you should be is apparently needed.
Otherwise other dreams remain as easily accessible as ever though, when you give yourself time to sleep. The symptom or disease of the previous years has also been the burn inside not to go to bed while focusing on whatever, because "You can sleep when you're dead". If there was a chance to do 20 hours awake and 12-14 hours asleep, you suspect that your natural rhythm would appreciate that much better than what it has to try and follow through society's rules. As it is, you either don't get more than 6 hours of sleep at most or can't keep up with anything you want to focus on through lack of hours awake per day.
So the ideal would be to eat how you'd need to, sleep as much toward the 9 hours of sleep you tended to need or want (12 would be heavenly) and to start walking more again. No matter how freezing the weather or the coldest winter in decades decreed by papers. There was a time in the summer when through a festival going on outside you ended up walking toward 25 kilometres a day and thinking nothing of it. That seemed more the norm and showed how much modern day first world people are behind through not needing to move much per day either. It was a clear illustration of how much more the body alone could achieve if you simply asked it of it. Regrettably, as said, things slid again after that, so now the need would be to wake it up more so again.
Added note or temporary conclusion after three or so days of trying to have what raw carrot you could, with the boiled broccoli, cauliflower and more carrot along with tons of sleep... Slightly less clogged. It's still very much so there, but with less pressure.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Pluto, 6th house, Icarus and draconic Karma transited by Nodes
I have a problem. Pluto is going to move into my sixth house when it hits 5 or 6 degrees Capricorn, and there are issues that could spring up relating to both work and health that it could pull. This when it'll square itself once it hits 7 degrees on top, too. The ruler of sixth house is in Cancer in 12th, so not really well placed for having dealt with the house ideally thus far.
I have Venus and Mercury in Virgo and always seem to get to know Virgos to some extent, so Virgo type energy is not entirely unfamiliar energy, but I don't think I got to grips with Capricorn at all until, well, not sure when. It was usually the last sign of interest and even when discovering that the draconic Sun-Venus-Mercury line-up fell in Capricorn, it still didn't precisely rise up and start behaving in an un-Capricornian fashion by making untoward noise about itself.
Add on top someone describing the Pluto in Libra folks as the slacker lot on whichever board it was, and you have more than one thing at play. The draconic Sun (and everything coming with it) is conjunct Icarus opposite the East Point, the progressed Sun having been on the IC the past year. Things started rolling on some levels once Pluto moved off it, but the nodes keep the focus in that region and amplify the square to the MC-IC line again. Once Pluto reaches its square, the transiting nodes may also be on your draconic 0 degree Capricorn Karma (which squares your natal Nodes), so there is a lot going on within the early Capricorn degrees for you.
Looking at it from a psychological point of view, the Sabian symbols for 2-8 degrees Libra and Capricorn all seem to match a certain progress going on, but of course the difficulty is in accepting or riding with all of it on the material or concrete level of existence. Most of my life I have not entirely fitted in with society's expectations of what one should do in life at whatever stage, so that Pluto kicks into squaring itself off the following Sabian degree also adds to the picture.
Icarus got his wings burned by the Sun and your draconic one is right on it, the progressed one having squared it the past year. Now you're however as if called to try mostly unprepared flying in relation to other things in any case, because if you don't, Pluto is going to kick your ass until you jump off that cliff and do in any case? Can we say scared?
There are exciting sides to the potentials afoot, but never having done anything of the sort and there seeming to now be an urgency to sort it out for many reasons, it also escalates to horrifying heights to scale. Did I mention I'm acrophobic? I don't go near edges. You fall if you do. Or some hateful person comes up from behind you as a joke and pretends to or does push you. That it's a supposed joke, haa haa, why aren't you laughing, or only pushing a little makes no difference if you're already near the edge only through daring a lot as it is. Boy have I known assholes in my life, yes.
I have generally also been very good at cornering myself until there is no option but to jump or fly, but as usual with these things if you don't work on them constantly, when the time comes to deal with it, everything seems to be or come in massive scales all of a sudden.
I have Venus and Mercury in Virgo and always seem to get to know Virgos to some extent, so Virgo type energy is not entirely unfamiliar energy, but I don't think I got to grips with Capricorn at all until, well, not sure when. It was usually the last sign of interest and even when discovering that the draconic Sun-Venus-Mercury line-up fell in Capricorn, it still didn't precisely rise up and start behaving in an un-Capricornian fashion by making untoward noise about itself.
Add on top someone describing the Pluto in Libra folks as the slacker lot on whichever board it was, and you have more than one thing at play. The draconic Sun (and everything coming with it) is conjunct Icarus opposite the East Point, the progressed Sun having been on the IC the past year. Things started rolling on some levels once Pluto moved off it, but the nodes keep the focus in that region and amplify the square to the MC-IC line again. Once Pluto reaches its square, the transiting nodes may also be on your draconic 0 degree Capricorn Karma (which squares your natal Nodes), so there is a lot going on within the early Capricorn degrees for you.
Looking at it from a psychological point of view, the Sabian symbols for 2-8 degrees Libra and Capricorn all seem to match a certain progress going on, but of course the difficulty is in accepting or riding with all of it on the material or concrete level of existence. Most of my life I have not entirely fitted in with society's expectations of what one should do in life at whatever stage, so that Pluto kicks into squaring itself off the following Sabian degree also adds to the picture.
"PHASE 278 (CAPRICORN 8°): IN A SUN-LIT HOME DOMESTICATED BIRDS SING JOYOUSLY.Can we say "Ouch" already? The finishing "...ENJOYMENT in the roles they are born to play" adds a better spin to it if talking certain ideas which may work exactly to that effect, but with so little time left before all that you feel as if out of time already. Mercury retrograde and Christmas fall between now and then as well, so there are further limitations to what can be accomplished or practically looked into in December, for example.
KEYNOTE: The wholesome happiness which subservience to the ideals and patterns of a well-established culture brings to those who accept them unreservedly."
Icarus got his wings burned by the Sun and your draconic one is right on it, the progressed one having squared it the past year. Now you're however as if called to try mostly unprepared flying in relation to other things in any case, because if you don't, Pluto is going to kick your ass until you jump off that cliff and do in any case? Can we say scared?
There are exciting sides to the potentials afoot, but never having done anything of the sort and there seeming to now be an urgency to sort it out for many reasons, it also escalates to horrifying heights to scale. Did I mention I'm acrophobic? I don't go near edges. You fall if you do. Or some hateful person comes up from behind you as a joke and pretends to or does push you. That it's a supposed joke, haa haa, why aren't you laughing, or only pushing a little makes no difference if you're already near the edge only through daring a lot as it is. Boy have I known assholes in my life, yes.
I have generally also been very good at cornering myself until there is no option but to jump or fly, but as usual with these things if you don't work on them constantly, when the time comes to deal with it, everything seems to be or come in massive scales all of a sudden.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Your own world
A priceless piece of lyrics. "You'd better hope and pray that you make it safe back to your own world. You'd better hope and pray that you wake one day in your own world. 'Cause when you sleep at night they don't hear your cries in your own world. Only time will tell if you can break the spell back in your own world."
Shakespear's Sister and Stay lyrics suddenly correlating to more of the things read at Crystalinks or wherever the last week or so. Synchronicity is about things focused on, as said, and my mind is generally very good at lateral jumps so it's nothing new per se, but laughs in any case.
I'm mostly talking about the "program ending" type things with that, if you can see past this world or illusions à la the concept of Maya or whatever in, was it Buddhism now? I forget. What is real and what isn't. That and the comic The Invisibles which is basically the 2012 prophecy mixed in with the program ending and all sorts of parapsychology-tied folks in a battle for good over evil oppressing people or entities. There was only that way it could end if you knew anything at all about any of it, but of course people didn't expect it back when it was published.
In case you need it spelled out, it ties to the song via this not being our own world, according to some beliefs.
Shakespear's Sister and Stay lyrics suddenly correlating to more of the things read at Crystalinks or wherever the last week or so. Synchronicity is about things focused on, as said, and my mind is generally very good at lateral jumps so it's nothing new per se, but laughs in any case.
I'm mostly talking about the "program ending" type things with that, if you can see past this world or illusions à la the concept of Maya or whatever in, was it Buddhism now? I forget. What is real and what isn't. That and the comic The Invisibles which is basically the 2012 prophecy mixed in with the program ending and all sorts of parapsychology-tied folks in a battle for good over evil oppressing people or entities. There was only that way it could end if you knew anything at all about any of it, but of course people didn't expect it back when it was published.
In case you need it spelled out, it ties to the song via this not being our own world, according to some beliefs.
You don't need pet psychics
Given the prevalence of songs like Lisa Stansfield's All Around the World with its talk of looking for her baby, even if a pre-existing one she of the lyrics had split up with, I guess it remains little wonder that the main thing you see in ads for psychics is love and how to get it. What a terribly predictable little race we remain.
I still remain in the more or less sceptical camp. Some may be genuine, but there seem to be far too many people out there trying for your business. I dabbled with Tarot cards years ago and could probably have picked up that practise same as anything that has rules, so I can only assume there are a great number of people who know their thing or trade, but add "psychic" to their ads because it sells better.
Don't you trust your intuition? Intuitive would be a better term for someone good at what they do but not actually psychic.
I have zero experience with psychics though, and balk at the idea of leading questions to fish out information from you to as if seem psychic. It's your job to know, not mine to provide clues and then to add in the details with my possible hopes or wishes. I may feel elated or hopeful after such a session, but I've still paid for something that any good "ethical fraud" could have provided for me, possibly at a cheaper price on top.
I also balk at "Pet psychic" type crap. I detest ripping not-necessarily-particularly-bright grieving people off just because it's an easy gig. You loved your pet and need to hear Babsie still loves Momsie and is well and misses you in kind? What is wrong with you? Unless your pet robbed the Fort Knox or buried your family's finances somewhere you can't find, I don't think there is reason enough to try and contact them no matter how sore your grief.
The same goes for people as well. It's about you and how you feel, not them.
People die. Pets die. Things die. I know it can get bad and in some cases takes you with it after a while as well, but if you cannot trust that your pet is well and loves and misses you in kind, if you believe in an afterlife for your pets (as you clearly must to opt for psychics as well), it's not a psychic that would bring the most reliable help. It's something more worldly to balance your emotional side. Fluffy nothings only work for so long. Sooner or later they die as well.
I still remain in the more or less sceptical camp. Some may be genuine, but there seem to be far too many people out there trying for your business. I dabbled with Tarot cards years ago and could probably have picked up that practise same as anything that has rules, so I can only assume there are a great number of people who know their thing or trade, but add "psychic" to their ads because it sells better.
Don't you trust your intuition? Intuitive would be a better term for someone good at what they do but not actually psychic.
I have zero experience with psychics though, and balk at the idea of leading questions to fish out information from you to as if seem psychic. It's your job to know, not mine to provide clues and then to add in the details with my possible hopes or wishes. I may feel elated or hopeful after such a session, but I've still paid for something that any good "ethical fraud" could have provided for me, possibly at a cheaper price on top.
I also balk at "Pet psychic" type crap. I detest ripping not-necessarily-particularly-bright grieving people off just because it's an easy gig. You loved your pet and need to hear Babsie still loves Momsie and is well and misses you in kind? What is wrong with you? Unless your pet robbed the Fort Knox or buried your family's finances somewhere you can't find, I don't think there is reason enough to try and contact them no matter how sore your grief.
The same goes for people as well. It's about you and how you feel, not them.
People die. Pets die. Things die. I know it can get bad and in some cases takes you with it after a while as well, but if you cannot trust that your pet is well and loves and misses you in kind, if you believe in an afterlife for your pets (as you clearly must to opt for psychics as well), it's not a psychic that would bring the most reliable help. It's something more worldly to balance your emotional side. Fluffy nothings only work for so long. Sooner or later they die as well.
There are no coincidences, or: How the world mocks you back
I suppose you get what you ask for, even when trying to claim otherwise or saying you're not asking to be hit on the head with bigger things. Dreams, 23, being a smartass and more feature.
I last week ran into a blog on twin flames drawing attention to the date 11.11.10 being worth checking out and in my usual way, half perhaps hoped for meaning and half sighed over how anything of the sort can be explained away with regular human coincidences. Whether you believe there are no coincidences or not.
There are asteroids and more that I should have out as posts before this one to denote potential scepticism and as par course, I am extremely reluctant to expose the self as even potentially wanting anything or whatever I may or may not be open to. Being open is unsafe and a raw wound asking for attacks.
In any case, check I did, much to my amusement. The trouble with me is and isn't the sense of humour and more than that, committing to something. So to spoil the story beforehand, I saw the "August" episode of the TV series Fringe with Peter Woodward in the titular role the night before that. The episode delves into the nature of sacrifices and unconditional love and deals with a character that is not bound by time in our conventional manner. Woodward also played the Technomage Galen in the series Crusade in the Babylon 5 universe. Galen, the most powerful of his kind, loses his great beloved early on in his life. You may thus see why the following, but were I to drop it anywhere with certain types of spiritual (?) people without all the preface, you may also see what kind of reactions I might get.
I woke up the morning of 11.11. from a dream where you (or whoever you/I were/was) were akin magically powered as Galen, and divinely in love with him, or having mutual divine love with him if you get hung up on the sides and being precise like me. There was also an evil wall (Way da go, mind) on the side that kept throwing or hurling projectiles at him to harm him, although the threat to your life was somehow greater. There was some prophecy or whatever at large about there only being a certain amount of times you would have together before you'd die because of it, and if you didn't vanquish or defeat the wall, the six or so times would be it for you.
The wall wasn't in the way as opposed to more to the side, but the influence meant constant blocking or fighting the things it threw at you. Your solution to it to try and change things to live would have been to use fire to burn or incinerate it entirely with the remaining mages you had, also six as now notice. You woke up sometime before 6am, too, unlikely as that is to matter in any way. Each mage would have had a section of the wall to cover and simultaneously burn down, and you had to be quiet about it lest the wall hear and try to kill you more directly still before you could do that. The waking mind later questioned whether that would have done the trick since that kind of things in movies usually lead to the threat of freeing whatever is bound to something instead if it's an entity or possession type thing, but dream mind didn't have the thought.
You woke up sometime after the fire section in any case. The section of the wall required covering more with fire than you normally would have or might simultaneously, there being a certain amount of control and direction as possible issues, it taking a bit to cover it all even near equally. Waking mind also suggests that starting from the bottom would have helped, but the top half was more it in the dream. Hand control, fingers spread and fire as if from the hands, although with no sensation of heat or it probably coming from the body per se. How do you explain magic or something that just is if you just know how to do it in a dream?
How very psychological, yes. But if you took it from the point of view of the apparently countless people who are out there on several sites asking if whoever is their twin flame or soul when from a casual outsider's glance through their posts, you doubt a teenager's first love or someone into someone taken would have anything of the sort in their current developments, well. You would probably get people gushing over how very meaningful it must be as a message with all the symbolism. Gasp.
Pot, kettle. People look into meaning wherever they can and there are countless of people who see interpreting asteroids as having meaning as purely that without anything to it. There is also the fact that focus guides/is your attention and determines what kind of things we see more of when something comes into our sphere, which accounts for a large part of synchronicity as well.
Case in point? The fire in the dream had something to do with or was known as Flammario, an asteroid the position of which I had checked a few days before that as well. You may see why the mind would associate Flammario with the fire spell even without reading things like Harry Potter. The trouble? That I'm a smartass and then go check where it was again. 23 Scorpio 23'38", which makes smartass add fuel to the flames and continue with the prior line of pointing out why things are not as meaningful as they may seem.
You may know your things about 11:11 and everything they say about it. The European point of view is that there is no such thing as 11:11 in the evening when it's 23:11 instead then automatically. There are also some theories about the number 23, although I haven't reminded myself of those. It adds up to 5 in any case, said to be the number of man or change and whatever else seen in other glances through other sites.
23 twice in Flammario seems like the sort of thing that gets picked up on by certain types of people, and then you had 3+8 making up 11 on top for more gasps of "Surely this is meaningful!" Or eyerolls from you when you can't exactly help where your Flammario happens to be at this stage anymore and it would have been easier to just have 11 there if you were going to. Or is that too easy and not for the uninitiated, hush, hush? Do you even dare note that you, gasp, as if seem to see 23 as times more often than not as of late? Surely this is meaningful! Or... not.
I am also aware that my progressed North Node is at 23 degrees Scorpio and that someone else's Ascendant falls there and another someone else's progressed Ascendant. Smartass continued by checking what else from recent checks fell at 23 degrees.
I know Toro was at the degree and saw that Interposita is 23 Tau 55' opposite it. I rather chose to ignore that and Salli (one before Peter in asteroid lists, of which more later) at 23 Libr 41 semisextile it, Laocoon the sceptic strangled by snakes at 23 Aquarius 59'49" R Aquarius, Klonios 23 Cancer 52', Iphiklos 23 Gemini 38', Magellan the long voyage whatever at 23 Vir 49'... Escalante at 22 Sco 44'23" is a bit of a miss, but since there are doubles and 23 conjunct Flammario, surely you have to include it, right?
Bougainville is 23 Leo 52', Krok 23 Gem (2' or 12' or 21', as I can't read my writing, but think it's 12'30"), Rhadamanthus 23 Leo 13' and Nininge 23 Leo 38' out of whatever you happen to have written down. Yes, I know, however can I ignore such clear signs indeed? Now... how about you tell me signs of what? Or telling me what the dream means in practical terms, with particular focus on who Galen might represent for you when there are no such figures in life? No? Then what use is any of it? None.
I may offer interpretations about the positions, same as the nodal journey and transformations in relation to transiting Pluto having just moved off the draconic Sun and everything coming with it. On your natal Icarus and West Point as well, of all things, and square the progressed Sun on top. That with the transiting nodes having been on your draconic Moon when some of this started, conjunct that transiting Pluto when the dream came, and coming to the Sun's degree now and how it supposedly may or may not be activating things for you. It just probably still amounts to a load of BS from some angles.
I know the talk and I even walk some of the walk, but I also see the other side and have the questions as to why something should supposedly be more meaningful than something else.
Add on top that being a dreadful smartass and the rest of 11.11.10 amounted to seeing the newer Lion in the Winter with John Light in the role of Geoffrey catching your attention the most, and then seeing the Midsomer Murders episode where Andrew Hawkins plays a slightly simplish character who talks to the dead and may or may not hear them. This surely amounting to something meaningful when it's either a tie to midsummer or Mid-Sumer, Andrew meaning man (as you recall) and Hawkins surely tying to Horus or something of the sort with everything being ever so meaningful. As said, you know the talk. Or how about not as to meanings, as your rational side points out with Looks at anyone suggesting links like the above simply because it all happened on the supposedly significant date.
Cut to 23.11.2010. Which I only now realize it was, too, in further facepalms at the world doing this as per a rule when it comes to things like that. I go through Astrodienst's list of asteroid numbers yet again in search of something else and the asteroid Midsomer Norton catches your attention. You have to know, obviously, having just taunted the world with the series tied to it. It's retrograde, and 2 Aries 11', 25 minutes before your midheaven. Thus the draconic Midsomer Norton falls on your natal AC as well.
You can't win. Even if the meaning was purely on personal levels, people keep bringing up significant hits for name asteroids and more over and over again. I have them for myself and within the family, too. So if they do matter, what else does on the side as well? The asteroid Peter coincidentally gets an 11 degrees Scorpio spot opposite your Wisdom and Woodard is conjunct your Atlantis around 9 Taurus, but hush now, what? You don't want to give the world the semblance that it's won for good, what?
To not give anybody the wrong idea, I should probably note that I actually find Galen a bit of an idiot for someone so potentially smart on other levels. He clings to his hurt over his loss and refuses to believe in there being a potential plan even when he gets a message from the universe, or something. I know, I know, pot, kettle again.
It's just that I don't know if I could cling to pain that is eating him up to such levels. My self-preservational instincts have kicked in in the past as well, knowing that some things will poison you if clung to. Sooner or later you have to let go or die or warp wrong. There are other issues at work with me, same as with most people, but his clinging to his pain over the loss of his beloved, the best of the Technomages as he puts it, and nigh raging at the universe for having dared take her away from him, that she may have as if deserved to die, is so misplaced you don't quite know how to express it to him if he's blind to it. It's not about what someone deserves with that, and if even she said it was her time, how do you get it through to him that maybe he ultimately needed that more than for her to live?
So it gets difficult. People use fiction to mirror and sort through their issues if they can, and Galen has potential to offer self-reflection in relation to a lot of things, obviously. Whatever the dream had in mind, you however couldn't opt for an actual Galen type unless he got over the issues first.
While the actor and presenter Woodward also keeps appearing in the most interesting or educational TV, I should hope that I don't appear delusional over supposedly thinking the dream had anything to do with him per se. Outside half envying what he's gotten to do in running around Egypt in some series and throwing shuriken about in Conquest, we were talking about other sorts of potentially meaningful slaps from the world.
I last week ran into a blog on twin flames drawing attention to the date 11.11.10 being worth checking out and in my usual way, half perhaps hoped for meaning and half sighed over how anything of the sort can be explained away with regular human coincidences. Whether you believe there are no coincidences or not.
There are asteroids and more that I should have out as posts before this one to denote potential scepticism and as par course, I am extremely reluctant to expose the self as even potentially wanting anything or whatever I may or may not be open to. Being open is unsafe and a raw wound asking for attacks.
In any case, check I did, much to my amusement. The trouble with me is and isn't the sense of humour and more than that, committing to something. So to spoil the story beforehand, I saw the "August" episode of the TV series Fringe with Peter Woodward in the titular role the night before that. The episode delves into the nature of sacrifices and unconditional love and deals with a character that is not bound by time in our conventional manner. Woodward also played the Technomage Galen in the series Crusade in the Babylon 5 universe. Galen, the most powerful of his kind, loses his great beloved early on in his life. You may thus see why the following, but were I to drop it anywhere with certain types of spiritual (?) people without all the preface, you may also see what kind of reactions I might get.
I woke up the morning of 11.11. from a dream where you (or whoever you/I were/was) were akin magically powered as Galen, and divinely in love with him, or having mutual divine love with him if you get hung up on the sides and being precise like me. There was also an evil wall (Way da go, mind) on the side that kept throwing or hurling projectiles at him to harm him, although the threat to your life was somehow greater. There was some prophecy or whatever at large about there only being a certain amount of times you would have together before you'd die because of it, and if you didn't vanquish or defeat the wall, the six or so times would be it for you.
The wall wasn't in the way as opposed to more to the side, but the influence meant constant blocking or fighting the things it threw at you. Your solution to it to try and change things to live would have been to use fire to burn or incinerate it entirely with the remaining mages you had, also six as now notice. You woke up sometime before 6am, too, unlikely as that is to matter in any way. Each mage would have had a section of the wall to cover and simultaneously burn down, and you had to be quiet about it lest the wall hear and try to kill you more directly still before you could do that. The waking mind later questioned whether that would have done the trick since that kind of things in movies usually lead to the threat of freeing whatever is bound to something instead if it's an entity or possession type thing, but dream mind didn't have the thought.
You woke up sometime after the fire section in any case. The section of the wall required covering more with fire than you normally would have or might simultaneously, there being a certain amount of control and direction as possible issues, it taking a bit to cover it all even near equally. Waking mind also suggests that starting from the bottom would have helped, but the top half was more it in the dream. Hand control, fingers spread and fire as if from the hands, although with no sensation of heat or it probably coming from the body per se. How do you explain magic or something that just is if you just know how to do it in a dream?
How very psychological, yes. But if you took it from the point of view of the apparently countless people who are out there on several sites asking if whoever is their twin flame or soul when from a casual outsider's glance through their posts, you doubt a teenager's first love or someone into someone taken would have anything of the sort in their current developments, well. You would probably get people gushing over how very meaningful it must be as a message with all the symbolism. Gasp.
Pot, kettle. People look into meaning wherever they can and there are countless of people who see interpreting asteroids as having meaning as purely that without anything to it. There is also the fact that focus guides/is your attention and determines what kind of things we see more of when something comes into our sphere, which accounts for a large part of synchronicity as well.
Case in point? The fire in the dream had something to do with or was known as Flammario, an asteroid the position of which I had checked a few days before that as well. You may see why the mind would associate Flammario with the fire spell even without reading things like Harry Potter. The trouble? That I'm a smartass and then go check where it was again. 23 Scorpio 23'38", which makes smartass add fuel to the flames and continue with the prior line of pointing out why things are not as meaningful as they may seem.
You may know your things about 11:11 and everything they say about it. The European point of view is that there is no such thing as 11:11 in the evening when it's 23:11 instead then automatically. There are also some theories about the number 23, although I haven't reminded myself of those. It adds up to 5 in any case, said to be the number of man or change and whatever else seen in other glances through other sites.
23 twice in Flammario seems like the sort of thing that gets picked up on by certain types of people, and then you had 3+8 making up 11 on top for more gasps of "Surely this is meaningful!" Or eyerolls from you when you can't exactly help where your Flammario happens to be at this stage anymore and it would have been easier to just have 11 there if you were going to. Or is that too easy and not for the uninitiated, hush, hush? Do you even dare note that you, gasp, as if seem to see 23 as times more often than not as of late? Surely this is meaningful! Or... not.
I am also aware that my progressed North Node is at 23 degrees Scorpio and that someone else's Ascendant falls there and another someone else's progressed Ascendant. Smartass continued by checking what else from recent checks fell at 23 degrees.
I know Toro was at the degree and saw that Interposita is 23 Tau 55' opposite it. I rather chose to ignore that and Salli (one before Peter in asteroid lists, of which more later) at 23 Libr 41 semisextile it, Laocoon the sceptic strangled by snakes at 23 Aquarius 59'49" R Aquarius, Klonios 23 Cancer 52', Iphiklos 23 Gemini 38', Magellan the long voyage whatever at 23 Vir 49'... Escalante at 22 Sco 44'23" is a bit of a miss, but since there are doubles and 23 conjunct Flammario, surely you have to include it, right?
Bougainville is 23 Leo 52', Krok 23 Gem (2' or 12' or 21', as I can't read my writing, but think it's 12'30"), Rhadamanthus 23 Leo 13' and Nininge 23 Leo 38' out of whatever you happen to have written down. Yes, I know, however can I ignore such clear signs indeed? Now... how about you tell me signs of what? Or telling me what the dream means in practical terms, with particular focus on who Galen might represent for you when there are no such figures in life? No? Then what use is any of it? None.
I may offer interpretations about the positions, same as the nodal journey and transformations in relation to transiting Pluto having just moved off the draconic Sun and everything coming with it. On your natal Icarus and West Point as well, of all things, and square the progressed Sun on top. That with the transiting nodes having been on your draconic Moon when some of this started, conjunct that transiting Pluto when the dream came, and coming to the Sun's degree now and how it supposedly may or may not be activating things for you. It just probably still amounts to a load of BS from some angles.
I know the talk and I even walk some of the walk, but I also see the other side and have the questions as to why something should supposedly be more meaningful than something else.
Add on top that being a dreadful smartass and the rest of 11.11.10 amounted to seeing the newer Lion in the Winter with John Light in the role of Geoffrey catching your attention the most, and then seeing the Midsomer Murders episode where Andrew Hawkins plays a slightly simplish character who talks to the dead and may or may not hear them. This surely amounting to something meaningful when it's either a tie to midsummer or Mid-Sumer, Andrew meaning man (as you recall) and Hawkins surely tying to Horus or something of the sort with everything being ever so meaningful. As said, you know the talk. Or how about not as to meanings, as your rational side points out with Looks at anyone suggesting links like the above simply because it all happened on the supposedly significant date.
Cut to 23.11.2010. Which I only now realize it was, too, in further facepalms at the world doing this as per a rule when it comes to things like that. I go through Astrodienst's list of asteroid numbers yet again in search of something else and the asteroid Midsomer Norton catches your attention. You have to know, obviously, having just taunted the world with the series tied to it. It's retrograde, and 2 Aries 11', 25 minutes before your midheaven. Thus the draconic Midsomer Norton falls on your natal AC as well.
You can't win. Even if the meaning was purely on personal levels, people keep bringing up significant hits for name asteroids and more over and over again. I have them for myself and within the family, too. So if they do matter, what else does on the side as well? The asteroid Peter coincidentally gets an 11 degrees Scorpio spot opposite your Wisdom and Woodard is conjunct your Atlantis around 9 Taurus, but hush now, what? You don't want to give the world the semblance that it's won for good, what?
To not give anybody the wrong idea, I should probably note that I actually find Galen a bit of an idiot for someone so potentially smart on other levels. He clings to his hurt over his loss and refuses to believe in there being a potential plan even when he gets a message from the universe, or something. I know, I know, pot, kettle again.
It's just that I don't know if I could cling to pain that is eating him up to such levels. My self-preservational instincts have kicked in in the past as well, knowing that some things will poison you if clung to. Sooner or later you have to let go or die or warp wrong. There are other issues at work with me, same as with most people, but his clinging to his pain over the loss of his beloved, the best of the Technomages as he puts it, and nigh raging at the universe for having dared take her away from him, that she may have as if deserved to die, is so misplaced you don't quite know how to express it to him if he's blind to it. It's not about what someone deserves with that, and if even she said it was her time, how do you get it through to him that maybe he ultimately needed that more than for her to live?
So it gets difficult. People use fiction to mirror and sort through their issues if they can, and Galen has potential to offer self-reflection in relation to a lot of things, obviously. Whatever the dream had in mind, you however couldn't opt for an actual Galen type unless he got over the issues first.
While the actor and presenter Woodward also keeps appearing in the most interesting or educational TV, I should hope that I don't appear delusional over supposedly thinking the dream had anything to do with him per se. Outside half envying what he's gotten to do in running around Egypt in some series and throwing shuriken about in Conquest, we were talking about other sorts of potentially meaningful slaps from the world.
Raiden, or what you fight for?
This post is probably ridiculous to many. Before conclusions though, I need to note that I have spent some time last week reading some esoteric type sites with talk of this and that from twin flames to the evolution of consciousness and more. I don't remember what the trigger was and how I stumbled upon them, but I did and kept reading and catching up or refreshing my memories on the Egyptian pantheon and much more.
The mind may in any case be making even more leaps than normally due to the influence of the material read. I also have to note that I don't necessarily care what the starting point is if there is something to learn from it or some insight in or through it.
So I'm forced to talk about the TV series Mortal Kombat: Conquest and the depiction of the thunder god Raiden in the series and movie continuity. I am not familiar with the games aside from reading summaries about the character and should anyone stumble upon the blog due to the series hit, this will probably not interest you or be relevant.
Raiden is the protector of Earthrealm in the series, set in a mystical past. The premise of the Mortal Kombat situations is that every generation a fighter or a few are chosen to defend the realm against Outworld and anyone else threatening to take over and basically make life a submissive hell for us. Raiden is the god who protects the realm should rules of Mortal Kombat be broken or anything else go wrong, but we have to fight for the fate of our planet and us ourselves in mortal combat against the formidable and often unfairly advantaged warriors of Outworld. After a certain number of victories by them over generations, the Earthrealm is forfeit and Outworld can take over.
The series touts "In each of us there burns the soul of a warrior" in Raiden's voice in its opening credits. This may be, but I suspect that the realm and everyone would be in deep trouble if the choice to fight fell upon someone like me. I forgot to note that Enya also on my Ascendant from the previous post, but while the Greek Enyalis and her Roman equivalent Bellona and some mythological Amazons may feature strongly in my chart, I also find myself bereft of an actual reason to fight.
As I was thinking of things, the conclusion seemed to be that mere living for longer and not dying seems little reason to fight. People die, life goes on. To quote Raiden from the series: "You're mortal, mortals die".
I also seem to fail fighting for other humans, since some of my opinions about the actual goodness or reasons to save us don't necessarily support that either. The second movie has Raiden spouting the writing humanity's idealized notions about humans being more worth saving than anything else he knows, and giving up his immortality for us. I keep wanting to have a slight philosophical discussion about the decision and what he actually bases it on every time, limited as his choices are when it comes to it.
None of it excuses others enslaving or harming people which the inevitable conclusion is, but that is someone else's decision and on their head, not yours. Though you may not have shining opinions about the worthiness of humanity, it doesn't mean you choose harm for humanity, if you see the difference? It's just that in your case there isn't particular fight for whatever good there may be in humans either.
A loved one then? Well, sign me up for the Failboat and population of Sucksville, because I may have to fail on that front as well. It is unfortunate and may change if I fall in love, but since I currently don't have loves in my life, there isn't any superior impetus to fight for the sake of someone like that either. I could offer to go instead of them to spare their life if it was for death or similar things, but it still remains that they're just as mortal and human as you and you failed to fight for those reasons already. Were the scenario to come up, you would probably just have to remind them that they took on that as an existing risk when first deciding to be with you.
It makes little difference if you're the last in line or if there are others to follow you. It becomes either a "Oh well, someone else will sort it out" or "Nobody else managed to do anything either, so there is no point to stress over it then".
The last episode of the Conquest series sees things looking grim for everyone. Raiden is a god only if he remains outside Outworld, but he has through the twists ended up in unfortunate circumstances precisely there and is powerless to do anything. So why should that matter? Because it does. I have more of a "That ain't right" reaction to his being in such circumstances than anything else. It seems more imperative to potentially fight or otherwise aid him there than anything else in other potential situations.
What is the difference? The fact that while (presumably) not perfect, he is the best that there is and something that should be preserved or saved. Humankind may have potential, but Raiden the god is an actuality in the series. His choices throughout things reflect goodness, intelligence, strength and integrity on levels that deserve to be preserved and given every chance to continue existing. To let something like that be extinguished from the world is a crime beyond anything else. There is practically no choice involved if you know how he is and value that at all. Also for self-preservational reasons, to be returned to further below.
Aside that, there is the factor of seeing little point to fight for something lesser, whether "lesser beings" or otherwise. Perfection or bust translates to asking why you would want to save anything other than the best. This is an attitude that an actually worthy person would no doubt find an anathema, and to keep in-universe, Raiden included. You've however never precisely claimed to be a good guy or that, so maybe we can negotiate around it.
Your abilities or the lack of a suitable solid ground (the reason and will) to push up against from with your feet may not have changed per se, but strangely enough, you appear more willing to fight for the sake of a god you value than humans. Because there may be admiration for what someone like Raiden may do, even when you don't necessarily see why he would risk his life or even opt to maybe die with humans when faced with mortality, given the way humans can be. It seems clear enough he's not fighting for humans precisely like you. But do you win in any case for having sense enough to know that someone or something like him should be saved, so as to be there and if necessary to rely on or protect even your unworthy ass? And does he acknowledge that it allows for him to save everyone's ass in any case, whatever your motivations?
If there are epic dreams or anything where the side of good is either outnumbered by evil or it otherwise seems pointless to continue fighting or being on the side of good, as you're occasionally told, there is never a choice about it. If you know what evil is, you actually can't go for the option. I don't know if it holds true for other people, but at least in my personal dream-case in such scenarios, you're never on anything but the side of good. So you would expect it to translate even to a theoretical scenario like the Mortal Kombat one, but the waking mind fails to see humans as reason enough. Fails to see your own survival as reason enough, when you're nowhere near levels enough to qualify survival. Fails.
The mind may in any case be making even more leaps than normally due to the influence of the material read. I also have to note that I don't necessarily care what the starting point is if there is something to learn from it or some insight in or through it.
So I'm forced to talk about the TV series Mortal Kombat: Conquest and the depiction of the thunder god Raiden in the series and movie continuity. I am not familiar with the games aside from reading summaries about the character and should anyone stumble upon the blog due to the series hit, this will probably not interest you or be relevant.
Raiden is the protector of Earthrealm in the series, set in a mystical past. The premise of the Mortal Kombat situations is that every generation a fighter or a few are chosen to defend the realm against Outworld and anyone else threatening to take over and basically make life a submissive hell for us. Raiden is the god who protects the realm should rules of Mortal Kombat be broken or anything else go wrong, but we have to fight for the fate of our planet and us ourselves in mortal combat against the formidable and often unfairly advantaged warriors of Outworld. After a certain number of victories by them over generations, the Earthrealm is forfeit and Outworld can take over.
The series touts "In each of us there burns the soul of a warrior" in Raiden's voice in its opening credits. This may be, but I suspect that the realm and everyone would be in deep trouble if the choice to fight fell upon someone like me. I forgot to note that Enya also on my Ascendant from the previous post, but while the Greek Enyalis and her Roman equivalent Bellona and some mythological Amazons may feature strongly in my chart, I also find myself bereft of an actual reason to fight.
As I was thinking of things, the conclusion seemed to be that mere living for longer and not dying seems little reason to fight. People die, life goes on. To quote Raiden from the series: "You're mortal, mortals die".
I also seem to fail fighting for other humans, since some of my opinions about the actual goodness or reasons to save us don't necessarily support that either. The second movie has Raiden spouting the writing humanity's idealized notions about humans being more worth saving than anything else he knows, and giving up his immortality for us. I keep wanting to have a slight philosophical discussion about the decision and what he actually bases it on every time, limited as his choices are when it comes to it.
None of it excuses others enslaving or harming people which the inevitable conclusion is, but that is someone else's decision and on their head, not yours. Though you may not have shining opinions about the worthiness of humanity, it doesn't mean you choose harm for humanity, if you see the difference? It's just that in your case there isn't particular fight for whatever good there may be in humans either.
A loved one then? Well, sign me up for the Failboat and population of Sucksville, because I may have to fail on that front as well. It is unfortunate and may change if I fall in love, but since I currently don't have loves in my life, there isn't any superior impetus to fight for the sake of someone like that either. I could offer to go instead of them to spare their life if it was for death or similar things, but it still remains that they're just as mortal and human as you and you failed to fight for those reasons already. Were the scenario to come up, you would probably just have to remind them that they took on that as an existing risk when first deciding to be with you.
It makes little difference if you're the last in line or if there are others to follow you. It becomes either a "Oh well, someone else will sort it out" or "Nobody else managed to do anything either, so there is no point to stress over it then".
The last episode of the Conquest series sees things looking grim for everyone. Raiden is a god only if he remains outside Outworld, but he has through the twists ended up in unfortunate circumstances precisely there and is powerless to do anything. So why should that matter? Because it does. I have more of a "That ain't right" reaction to his being in such circumstances than anything else. It seems more imperative to potentially fight or otherwise aid him there than anything else in other potential situations.
What is the difference? The fact that while (presumably) not perfect, he is the best that there is and something that should be preserved or saved. Humankind may have potential, but Raiden the god is an actuality in the series. His choices throughout things reflect goodness, intelligence, strength and integrity on levels that deserve to be preserved and given every chance to continue existing. To let something like that be extinguished from the world is a crime beyond anything else. There is practically no choice involved if you know how he is and value that at all. Also for self-preservational reasons, to be returned to further below.
Aside that, there is the factor of seeing little point to fight for something lesser, whether "lesser beings" or otherwise. Perfection or bust translates to asking why you would want to save anything other than the best. This is an attitude that an actually worthy person would no doubt find an anathema, and to keep in-universe, Raiden included. You've however never precisely claimed to be a good guy or that, so maybe we can negotiate around it.
Your abilities or the lack of a suitable solid ground (the reason and will) to push up against from with your feet may not have changed per se, but strangely enough, you appear more willing to fight for the sake of a god you value than humans. Because there may be admiration for what someone like Raiden may do, even when you don't necessarily see why he would risk his life or even opt to maybe die with humans when faced with mortality, given the way humans can be. It seems clear enough he's not fighting for humans precisely like you. But do you win in any case for having sense enough to know that someone or something like him should be saved, so as to be there and if necessary to rely on or protect even your unworthy ass? And does he acknowledge that it allows for him to save everyone's ass in any case, whatever your motivations?
If there are epic dreams or anything where the side of good is either outnumbered by evil or it otherwise seems pointless to continue fighting or being on the side of good, as you're occasionally told, there is never a choice about it. If you know what evil is, you actually can't go for the option. I don't know if it holds true for other people, but at least in my personal dream-case in such scenarios, you're never on anything but the side of good. So you would expect it to translate even to a theoretical scenario like the Mortal Kombat one, but the waking mind fails to see humans as reason enough. Fails to see your own survival as reason enough, when you're nowhere near levels enough to qualify survival. Fails.
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